Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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