Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize