Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
