Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
