Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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