It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
