i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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