Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
