Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
