I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
