It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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