uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm eating all of the evidence.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
