puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
