Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize