Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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