Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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