Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
