He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
