**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
