I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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