maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
