You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
