whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
