The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
