I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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