I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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