Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
