Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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