I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
