Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
