i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
