It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
