it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
