I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
