Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
