I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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