You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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