i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
