Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
why do cheetos always look like penises
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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