Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
