Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
