Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
