Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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