have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's blow job season.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
