What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
