barbara walters just said penis...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just found a bag of teeth...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
