Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
