her vagine was all disorganized.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
