i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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