just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
