the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
