11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
