I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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