It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
