My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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