My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
