The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
