Apparently you make a good broom.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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