my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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