why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
