why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
