So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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