My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
