I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
