In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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