I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
