I feel like abortions should bother me more
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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