ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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