You're so nebulous sometimes
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
