he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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