It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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