i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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