I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
