Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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