my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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