I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Your penis caused this!
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