my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You made out with two different species that night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
