im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
