I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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