Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
