i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize