I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
