Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
