i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
