two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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