So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
