shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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