can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
