is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
